Watching the Cop Show in Bed

Apparently, it’s very, very bad to let a well-dressed man into your home. An Oxbridge accent, coupled with the claim your husband’s hurt, and he’s from Scotland Yard: disaster! When …

Investigation tape that reads "Do not cross" is tangled up in a ball
Illustration by Selena Wong

Apparently, it’s very, very bad
to let a well-dressed man into your home.
An Oxbridge accent, coupled with the claim
your husband’s hurt, and he’s from Scotland Yard:
disaster! When the door clicks shut, he’ll drag
you off at knifepoint to his boat,
exsanguinate your body, write some smut
from Crowley on the walls, then eat your leg.

He’ll leave the rest of you inside a freezer,
to be discovered by a sad detective
bellowing, We made it here too late!

Too late indeed. I used to feel wiser,
more in charge, a little more creative.
Now, like the rest, I watch the door and wait.

This appeared in the July/August 2014 issue.

Alexandra Oliver
Alexandra Oliver won the 2014 Pat Lowther Award for Meeting the Tormentors in Safeway.
Sous Sous
Sous Sous has won two gold National Magazine Awards.

Fund the journalism we need now

In turbulent times, it is crucial that reliable media remains available to everyone. From vaccine misinformation to political polarization, the challenges our society is facing today are too important for half-truths. If you trust The Walrus, we ask that you consider becoming a monthly supporter. Your donation helps us keep The Walrus’s fact-checked online journalism free to all.

Tusks