Yee-fucking-haw.
The Calgary Exhibition and Stampede!
It’s the greatest never-changing, money-sucking, scumbag-ride-attending, junk-food-vomitting, washed-up-rock-star-headlining, Winnebago-migrating, overweight-people-Wranglers-wearing, “do-you-wanna-go-faster”-hating, clock-tower-mugging, hick-town-reputation-giving, fez-wearing, cud-chewing, over-priced-beer-swilling, 20-cent-stuffed-smurf-winning, commemorative-plate-buying, amazing-slicer-dicer-selling, “Jesus-look-at-the-size-of-the-crack-on-that-guy’s-ass”-exclaiming, stupid-hat-wearing, Young-Canadians-nauseating, drunk-guy-vomitting-all-over-his-once-a-year-cowboy-vest-on-C-Train-witnessing, “Hey-asshole-win-a-teddy-bear-for-your-chick”-tolerating, hernia-inducing-belt-buckle-sporting, Ed-Whalen-voice-forever-repeating, dippy-wood-panelling-in-banks-splinter-giving, corn-dog-deep-throating, I-can’t-believe-people-drive-all-the-way-from-Florida-for-this-shit-pondering, Stampede-Princess-colliding, steer-strangling, shit-kicking, outdoor show on Earth.
Yee-fucking-haw.
—Robert Tarry, entertainment co-editor
This appeared in the June 2012 issue.
