Things Rob Ford Has Quit

An incomplete list

• 191 words

Illustration by Graham RoumieuGraham Roumieu

  1. Carleton University
  2. Talking to the Toronto Star (after the paper published this July 2010 article, about an alleged physical altercation between high school football coach Rob Ford and a student player)
  3. Rob and Doug Ford’s “Cut the Waist Challenge
  4. Driving under the influence of paperwork
  5. Drinking alcohol at the Air Canada Centre: “I have admitted to my mistakes, and I said it would not happen again, and it has never happened again at the Air Canada Centre,” Rob Ford, November 2013. This past spring, he appeared to be impaired while attending a Toronto Maple Leafs game—at the Air Canada Centre

  6. Drinking alcohol, everywhere: “Guaranteed, 100 percent
  7. Using illegal drugs—fewer than six months before he was filmed smoking crack cocaine in his sister’s basement
  8. Insinuating that Star reporter Daniel Dale is a pedophile
  9. Drinking alcohol, again: “I’m as sober as a judge
  10. Having a sobriety coach

Matthew McKinnon (@matthewmckinnon) is an editor, writer, and designer.

  • switcherdawna

    He’s a one man, long run, Monty Python skit.

    • cv

      It’s not a comedy, though. It’s a tragedy.

  • Notcleverguy

    He is a joke of a man-child, Other man-children laugh at him.

  • AboveTheCity

    The trick with Rob ( or Doug Ford) is knowing that whatever he says, is the complete opposite to the factual truth and reality. How else to make sense of statements such as, “I am the best Mayor Toronto has ever had”!

  • Rich Gelder

    Ummm…#2 is just silly. And, I believe numbers 4-9 were actually intended for another list : things Rob Ford hasn’t quit. Bad writing and bad journalism.

    • Devin Odell

      Ummmm derp it says “Things Rob Ford has quit: An incomplete list”. I assume the list is incomplete because he hasn’t quit all the things listed. Though, at the start, you’d think it means ‘a list that doesn’t include all the things Rob Ford has quit’. *sigh* semantics

    • BDPD

      Gelder – HOW are you defending Rob Ford? How? It doesn’t matter one whit if you don’t like the journalism. You’re wrong. See?

      • Rich Gelder

        I criticize the article for it being a list of things Rob Ford hasn’t quit (contrary to the title) and somehow I’m defending him? What kind of idiot logic is that?

  • Smitros

    Rob Ford needs help from Sarah Palin, who can quit anything.

  • Lee Preney

    Rob Ford id a primary narcissist. They lie, don’t give a bleep about others, think they are smart, they think they can pull the wool over every bodies’ eyes . If the Torontotonians vote for this guy they deserve to be made fools of by all comedians.

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